Where's Waldo? or How come I'm not hearing what I need to?

Do you remember the Where's Waldo books? If not, it's a book for kids with pictures like this one and your mission is to find the hidden Waldo on each page. I'm usually pretty good at that.

Maybe it's because I *love* mysteries. Maybe I'm just pretty good at finding things. Maybe I'm just able to pick up on where the hidden object is. Whatever the reason, I enjoy any of those hidden-picture things. But lately I'm not seeing the hidden.

I seem to be so focused on the nitty-gritty crap of life that I'm not seeing the big picture. Truthfully, it's driving me nuts. I'm not hearing the spirits or the angels or my inner guidance or whatever your personal belief system calls it. But I don't know *why* I'm not getting those messages.

Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? Probably. At least a little. I know I'm not taking the time I need for myself. But how do I change that? I have a teenager who wants to spend the summer anywhere but here, and a busy life that doesn't always take place in my home or office. I need to take that time. I need to get out of the house. I need to hike through the Black Hills and be in nature. Yet, when I do, there's so much stuff I should/could do around the house that isn't getting done because I'm out "goofing off."

Is it the energy around me? Maybe. I feel like my teenager is doing all she can to pull away. Yes, I know that's normal growing up nonsense, but it hurts. She recently told me I wasn't the best tarot reader for her because I put in too much mom-stuff. That may not sound so bad, but I took it as I wasn't a good reader. It hurt. And even though I heard the words she said, it was her tone that said more than anything else. It hurt. A lot.

Is it work? Maybe. I'm still trying to write that mystery. I am stuck on a part and it just frustrates the hell out of me! I can't even hear messages from the Goddess Brigid (whom I just LOVE, by the way!). Then again, I don't feel much like asking.

Is it clutter? Probably. My office is cluttered and I spend a lot of time in here. Both for work as a web designer, work as a writer, to study, to read. I need to clear some things out and not let my family use my office as their dumping ground. Not for their stuff, their problems, or their negative energy. (And no, the family doesn't always dump their negative on me, but hey, Mom can fix everything, right?)

Am I just not listening? That could be it, too. I'm sure the lessons and the messages are there and I'm just missing them. I need to take the time for me. I need to do what's in/on my heart.

Am I not seeing the opportunities around me? Hmmm... just thought of this one. I really want to read tarot cards professionally. (Maybe that's why it hurt so badly when my teen said what she did.) I don't know how to start reading, though. Well, I mean, I *read* the cards and think I'm pretty good, but how do I get started reading professionally? How do I make that happen? Have there been opportunities that I just didn't see? Messages I didn't hear? If so, how did I miss them? Where did I miss them?

Bottom line is that I need to get out of this funk. I need to remember to ask my amazing husband for help, but not get bitchy when he can't do something (another long story...). I need to expect our teenage daughter to pull her weight (which, granted isn't much -- skinny little thing *grin*) around here before she gets to enjoy the reward. Most importantly, though, is that I need to take time for myself and not be so hard on myself when I fail. And I will fail. I'm still on this path. I still have plans and dreams and goals and I need to continue to strive to reach them.

I'm open to thoughts and suggestions.... Anyone?

Followup to the Jan. 9 question

Sometimes, you just have to wonder at how the Universe works, don't you?  Let me tell you how the cards I drew for yesterday played out in my life.

Monday (Jan 7): I signed up for an online writing class about plotting a novel using Tarot cards.  This is something that was right up my alley!  Awesome!

Tuesday (Jan 8): The critique I'd been waiting for from the Mystery Writers of America finally showed up. I ripped it open and was crushed.  The guy who did the critique really knew nothing about my sub-genre or paranormal cozies, wasn't in my target audience of women 18 and older, and did the entire critique in red pen.  All I saw at first was his "bleeds" all over.  Didn't help that he really wasn't very helpful in his criticism, either.  I decided I must be a lousy writer and was wasting my time even trying.  I asked the Divine Force of the Universe to give me a sign.  An UNMISTAKABLE sign, of course.

Wednesday (Jan 9): I had somewhat calmed down, although I was still awaiting that unmistakable sign.  Amazingly, in my inbox I start to get the information from that course I signed up for on Monday.  Assignment number one was to pick the deck you want to use for the purposes of the class.  So I go on a hunt.  I finally decide upon a deck (the Tarot Lenormand), and post an introduction along with my first assignment.  As I continue to check my e-mail I get the daily card drawing question from another list and do the drawing that made no sense.  Oh well.  All will be revealed and all that, right?  Moving on, I keep checking e-mails, going through the posts from the class.  I get an e-mail with the subject "Off-line" or "Off class" or something of the like.  The author of the e-mail wanted to know how much I'd done on my novel.  Would I be interested in an online critique group for MYSTERY AUTHORS?  Where at least one other (the author of the e-mail) actually wrote PARANORMAL MYSTERIES?   Sweet!!!  So I was given the opportunity to have an advisor on this project (the Hermit) and to share my writing with a group who's mission is to give me helpful feedback in an effort to get the book published (the 8 of Chalices movement of goods).  

Like I said before, sometimes you just have to wonder at how the Universe works.

My bad...

I seem to have missed a uploading new assignments to the Magical Circle School so now I have to re-do those assignments. I don't know if I will. I'm thinking of it, but maybe I'll just "press on" and start new courses.

I will pray about it and see what answers I get....

Craft Swap

I like crafts. Not just "the" craft, but sewing, knitting, crochet, clay, cross-stitch, art, the whole gambit. (Heck, I think cooking is a craft!) I like the idea that we're able to put our energy into something and change it and make it better. Because of that love of crafting, I spend time searching at craftser.com

One of the cool things about Craftser is the swaps. Now, my kid is a teenager. Having mom make her stuff is "lame" and will get me the eye-roll every time! (Unless it's something she wants, ya know?) So craft swaps are good because I get to make stuff that SOMEONE will appreciate. Anyway, here's what my swap buddy sent to me. I think it's appropriate because it is all around the theme of the Spritual Mother in us all.

This is a picture of Mother Mary. I plan to hang it in my bedroom for a little extra protection. Or maybe the living room.


I love the idea of keeping "my heart" in a sacred space. Isn't that what moms do?



This, though, was my favorite. This journal was created for me! It has the High Priestess on the cover and the page markers are AWESOME!




I feel so blessed to have received such an amazingly thoughtful package!

Now on e-bay

Auction #1: a Celtic Cross reading

Auction #2: a reading to answer a specific question you may have

A personal message

Happy birthday, honey!

How exciting!

I have some exciting news and I just wanted to share.

Well, let me start by saying I really like tarot cards. I like the artwork, the meanings, and the insight they give you. I know some don't believe in divination, but my view of the tarot is that it is one view of the future which you've already changed just by knowing this possible outcome. (Really, that makes sense in my head!)

Anyway, there is a metaphysical shop in town here where I've been buying some cards. It's a new shop, maybe two months old is all, and owned by a husband/wife team from France. The wife wanted to see a deck I'd purchased, so I brought them in. She wasn't there, so I started chatting with the husband. He asked if I read professionally, which I don't but is something I'd like to start doing. He asked what I'd charge and I said I would read for donations because right now I'm not in a position I need the money from that. The conversation ended with him saying "when you're ready, you can read here. We get 10 or 12 calls a day for a tarot reader."

So, I plan to take him up on that in the next few months. I want to do 20 readings where I don't second-guess myself and I want to find the "perfect deck" to use.

This is something I've thought about for a long time, so I'm very excited that it's coming together the way it is.

Wolf Totems

This is the totem my sister says I have. Information from www.animaltotem.com.

Wolves are the epitome of stamina, known to run 35 miles a day in pursuit of prey. They are highly misunderstood animals, who have gained the reputation of being cold blooded. In reality wolves are friendly and social creatures. Aggression is something they avoid, preferring rather to growl or create a posture to show dominance.

Even though living in close knit packs provide wolves with a strong sense of family, they are still able to maintain their individuality. Wolves represent the spirit of freedom, but they realize that having individual freedom requires having responsibilities.

Because wolf is a teacher and pathfinder, he comes when we need guidance in our lives. Those who have a Wolf Totem will move on to teach others about sacredness and spirituality. Wolf can also teach how to balance the responsibility of family needs and not to lose one's personal identity.

Wolf teaches us to develop strength and confidence in our decisions. He shows we will learn to trust our insights once we learn how to value our inner voice. This wisdom keeps us from inappropriate action. If wolf appears in your life examine where you need to develop more confidence and if you need more balance between friends, family, and yourself.

God/Goddess -vs- Lord/Lady

I've been having trouble with the God/Goddess desingation. I was raised to believe there is one true God, so how can there be lesser gods? After much thought, I think I've finally come to terms with it.

Let's take the "one God" idea first. OK, so the commandment says "You shall have no other gods before me" (Exodus 20:3 & Deuteronomy 5:7). Does that mean there are no other gods? I don't think so. Today we take that line to mean that we shouldn't put work or money before God. But what if it means that there are other GODS and that the God of King David is the TRUE GOD? The HEAD GOD and we should remember that? Doesn't that seem more reasonable then a bunch of Egyptian slaves valued work more than worship?

Ok, so I got that line out of the way. Now where does that leave those lesser gods? I have decided to call them Lords and Ladies. I can't bring myself to call them God. I think there is ONE worthy of that title. The Divine. The Head God, so to speak. I have no problems asking a Saint or Angel for assistance, and I believe that the lesser Gods and Goddesses are helpers in that same way, but I can't bring myself to call on Goddess Frigg! I can, however, ask Lady Frigg for assistance!

I realize that it's a matter of symantics. What meaning do I give to the word Goddess? What meaning do I give to the word Lady? I also know that the Divine knows my heart, my intentions. By using Lord and Lady for the lesser Gods and Goddesses, I'm still giving them the respect for what is within their authority, while at the same time giving the Divine all the credit, respect and admiration of the one in charge.

Beauty Chant

I'm a lucky woman, and I know I'm a lucky woman. My husband and daughter both think I'm beautiful. Unfortunately, I don't see what they do. I will be doing a spell using the following chant so that I may see what they do. The chant is from The Pocket Spell Creator

Oh God(dess),
Help me to see
The beauty which resides within me.
Bring this beauty out of its shell
To the surface where it may dwell.
This is my wish, so mote it be.

I plan to make some bath salts and light a candle to go with it.

A symbol for me....

I created a symbol — a logo, per se — for myself. This is the symbol that embodies my spiritual path. Everything from the colors to the smaller symbols have a direct meaning to me and my life and my spiritual path.

I'd like to know your thoughts on it.

More of my beliefs....

Taken from an e-mail about my beliefs.

I believe in God and that He sent His son to save us from our sins. Was Jesus the ONLY son of God? I don't know. I tend to think not. By the way, I don't really believe God (The Divine Source of All) is male or female, but a bunch of guys wrote the Bible, and they used "He," so what the heck.

I also believe there is only one "Divine Source of All." Does that Divine Source (again, I'll use the word God) have any helpers? Yep! Other gods and goddesses, angels, saints, fairies, the holy spirit, really awesome people put in our path ---- whatever you wish to call them ---- they are all part of the same Universe, working for the Divine.

The Divine created all things. I can honor that creation by worshiping alone in nature (meditating), or praying to a saint (goddess) just as easily as I can on Sunday in a church service. Finding the balance is important, though. You can go too far in either direction.

Most people would never claim an old woman in the Appalachian mountains, who treats her neighbors with herbs and passes on folk wisdom while making dinner for the pastor is a "witch." Move that woman closer to society and make her 30 years younger, though, and they have issues! I guess that's what I do. I combine the old ways, the ways that honored the land and the spirits who are always around, and my belief in Jesus as God's son and that's what I get.

To honor God, we have to live by His commandments, love our neighbors as ourselves, harm none, and find peace in our lives.

Many people believe Christianity is a faith that considers itself complete unto itself. I think I know what they mean, but there are so MANY types of Christianity, too. Catholics are different than Presbyterians are different than Baptists are different than... you get my drift. I don't think any of them is completely "right" and I know that none of them are totally right for ME and my family. I know. I tried most of them. I also don't think Wicca is totally right for us. I read Tarot cards and Runes (which you know since you checked out my blog!), but I also read the Bible. They're both tools for my life.

Demystifying Paganism

WOW! This is incredible! Very eye-opening.
WARNING: This video, while worth the time, is almost 24 minutes long.

Thoughts on today's tarot

Hmmm... Ya know, the Oracle card I pulled today has been bothering me for the last few hours. I couldn't figgure out why, though, until I read my "About Me" section again. The card was "Teacher" and I'm not doing that right now.

For the past seven years, I've been home educating my daughter. She's going to high school next year, so I won't be teaching anymore. At least not in the same way I have been.

But I do feel called to teach the Tarot. I don't think I'm good enough -- rather, I don't think I have the knowledge to do this. I want people to know they can blend Christianity with being a witch. I want to show people how to do that. I need to show people how to do that....

Becoming Ordained

Yesterday was amazing. I headed west with my dog and we ended up at Devil's Tower, Wyoming. If you've never been there, you are missing something wonderful. Photos or movies (like Close Encounters of the Third Kind) honestly don't do the monument justice. It is a very solemn area and it is easy to see why the Native Americans hold it sacred.

After a lot of walking and admiring the area and taking MANY pictures, we headed back.

Once home, tired and hungry, I read my e-mail to find a note saying, "It is my pleasure to welcome you into the clergy of the Coven of Christ Ministries." WOW! I was so excited!

I had read in "Clan of the Goddess" by C.C. Brondwin that we need to take those moments of pure bliss and relive them and cherish them. According to her, those are the moments that bring us closer to the Goddess. Those are the moments that we, as spiritual people, need to cling to in order to become all that we're meant to be.

Reading that e-mail, the one that said I am now a High Priestess in Coven of Christ Ministries, was one of those moments of bliss for me. It's something I've wanted and considered for many years (maybe not in COCM, since I didn't know such a wonderful group existed) and now that's a dream that has been fulfilled -- a moment of bliss to be relived and cherished. I'm thankful that I achieved this milestone and hope to be worthy of the honor.

Statement of Faith

I was raised Christian, although we didn’t attend church often — mostly just Christmas and Easter. As a teen, I realized I was missing something. I started attending church on my own, even walking to the church that was only a few blocks from my house. Eventually, though, I moved away, went to college and decided that sleeping in was more fun than going to church.

Eventually, I joined the military, got married, had a child, and got divorced. I wanted my daughter to have that spiritual family I felt I missed growing up. Once again I looked for a church.

Skip ahead a few years. We moved. I got remarried. We again looked for a church home. We ended up at a Pentecostal church that didn’t quite fit us, but it was close to our house. This church preached a very strict interpretation of the Bible. I was taught there that some of the gifts I’d embraced growing up — a talent for the Tarot; the ability to see, hear and sense spirits; an interest in things other than the Bible — were evil. Finally, I became dissatisfied with the “fire and brimstone” sermons. A disagreement with one of the staff pastors there led us to re-evaluate our situation.

We found a new church, one that embraced our family. The sermons focused on the love of Christ and reminded us of His love. It became a pleasure for each of us to attend the services! What a difference!!

Since that time — roughly three years ago — I have decided to embrace what I’ve come to believe are gifts from God and not something evil. I’ve come to realize that there is one God, but so many different paths to get there. The gifts I’ve been given are to be used to help others in any way I can. I’ve begun taking a Christian Witch course and also have been studying Celtic and Norse Goddesses to learn about my heritage (I’m about one-eight Irish) and how I can combine the Old Ways with what we now think of as Christianity. I want to show others how they can know the love of God and still follow their paths and dreams.

I believe Jesus was God’s son. I’m not sure Jesus was God’s only son. I look at Heaven as a boardroom. God is at the head, the CEO. On one side is the Holy Sprit and the other is the Christ. The rest of the table is filled with the other Gods and Goddesses and angels and saints who are ready and willing to help us along our own paths.

I am hoping to become ordained through Coven of Christ Ministries because I believe that I can follow the path set before me. I firmly believe that the Universe is calling me to help those who are in the position I was. I’m a good listener and I minored in both sociology and psychology in college. I’m able to assist people with their problems and find the answers they seek. (I can’t always do this in my own life, though!) Being ordained and associating with COCM is something that is “brought to my attention” often — through things people say or thoughts I have on my own. These are the signs I believe I’m supposed to be seeing.

In addition to assisting people face-to-face, I am a web designer and author. I know that I can use my gifts in both of these occupations, as well as in my personal life.

I see me closing my web design business in the next 10 years, and focusing on my writing, as well as creating crafts to sell on the Internet — soaps, candles, jewelry, clothing, each of them blessed and produced with love.

My family is my first priority. My faith is my second. I hope to continue to find love, peace and joy in both for years to come.

Blessing the garden

So I've been busy.

Today was spent blessing the area where my herb garden will be. I asked the Earth Spirits to bless it and help the herbs grow. It will be a Kitchen/Culinary garden and I'm really looking forward to starting the planting. Unfortunately, I should wait another week or so to make sure the weather will hold.

I've also decided to take a class online that is in-line with my chosen path. I'm taking the Celtic and Norse Goddess course from the Magic Circle School. Started tonight and need to learn about the Holy Queen Epona and then do a "project" that relates to her. I'll also need to get a notebook or binder, I think to keep track of all this information. I also am thinking of taking an online tarot course, but who knows. I have so much on my plate right now that maybe I only need to do one class at a time.