Where's Waldo? or How come I'm not hearing what I need to?

Do you remember the Where's Waldo books? If not, it's a book for kids with pictures like this one and your mission is to find the hidden Waldo on each page. I'm usually pretty good at that.

Maybe it's because I *love* mysteries. Maybe I'm just pretty good at finding things. Maybe I'm just able to pick up on where the hidden object is. Whatever the reason, I enjoy any of those hidden-picture things. But lately I'm not seeing the hidden.

I seem to be so focused on the nitty-gritty crap of life that I'm not seeing the big picture. Truthfully, it's driving me nuts. I'm not hearing the spirits or the angels or my inner guidance or whatever your personal belief system calls it. But I don't know *why* I'm not getting those messages.

Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? Probably. At least a little. I know I'm not taking the time I need for myself. But how do I change that? I have a teenager who wants to spend the summer anywhere but here, and a busy life that doesn't always take place in my home or office. I need to take that time. I need to get out of the house. I need to hike through the Black Hills and be in nature. Yet, when I do, there's so much stuff I should/could do around the house that isn't getting done because I'm out "goofing off."

Is it the energy around me? Maybe. I feel like my teenager is doing all she can to pull away. Yes, I know that's normal growing up nonsense, but it hurts. She recently told me I wasn't the best tarot reader for her because I put in too much mom-stuff. That may not sound so bad, but I took it as I wasn't a good reader. It hurt. And even though I heard the words she said, it was her tone that said more than anything else. It hurt. A lot.

Is it work? Maybe. I'm still trying to write that mystery. I am stuck on a part and it just frustrates the hell out of me! I can't even hear messages from the Goddess Brigid (whom I just LOVE, by the way!). Then again, I don't feel much like asking.

Is it clutter? Probably. My office is cluttered and I spend a lot of time in here. Both for work as a web designer, work as a writer, to study, to read. I need to clear some things out and not let my family use my office as their dumping ground. Not for their stuff, their problems, or their negative energy. (And no, the family doesn't always dump their negative on me, but hey, Mom can fix everything, right?)

Am I just not listening? That could be it, too. I'm sure the lessons and the messages are there and I'm just missing them. I need to take the time for me. I need to do what's in/on my heart.

Am I not seeing the opportunities around me? Hmmm... just thought of this one. I really want to read tarot cards professionally. (Maybe that's why it hurt so badly when my teen said what she did.) I don't know how to start reading, though. Well, I mean, I *read* the cards and think I'm pretty good, but how do I get started reading professionally? How do I make that happen? Have there been opportunities that I just didn't see? Messages I didn't hear? If so, how did I miss them? Where did I miss them?

Bottom line is that I need to get out of this funk. I need to remember to ask my amazing husband for help, but not get bitchy when he can't do something (another long story...). I need to expect our teenage daughter to pull her weight (which, granted isn't much -- skinny little thing *grin*) around here before she gets to enjoy the reward. Most importantly, though, is that I need to take time for myself and not be so hard on myself when I fail. And I will fail. I'm still on this path. I still have plans and dreams and goals and I need to continue to strive to reach them.

I'm open to thoughts and suggestions.... Anyone?

Celtic Goddess paper

For a goddess, I selected Brigid. A LOT has been written about her and I will only touch on some of what I found.

As the Goddess of Fire, Brigid is found in the home and hearth, she is also to be called on for inspiration and creativity. All of these aspects are important to me because I’m a mother, I work from my home (so I’m always here and cooking!), and I am a creative (as well as “crafty”) person. In addition, Brigid is the goddess of poetry (http://www.goddessgift.com/goddess-myths/celtic-goddess-brigid.htm) and I am an unpublished novelist — yet another way Brigid does and is working in my life. To put it another way, Brigid is responsible for the Fire of the Hearth; the Fire of the Forge; and the Fire of Inspiration (http://www.pantheon.org/articles/b/brigid.html).

Lore about this goddess is abundant. It is believed that when Christianity overtook the Celtic lands, the Christians “converted” Brigid into St. Brigit. The goddess’s cross, which could have originally been a pagan sunwheel (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brigid%27s_cross) became a cross dedicated to Christ, allowing the ancient people to still safely practice and hold their beliefs.

With her “mother” aspect, Brigid is the goddess associated with Imbolic, the bringing of Spring. This “birthing” of the land is her responsibility. As the goddess of fertility, this is a perfect role for her.

One of the things I found the most fascinating about her, though, was the idea that Brigid had two sisters — also named Brigid. Together these three symbolize the Celtic Triple Goddess (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brigid). One datasheet I found online put it this way:

Brighid - a poetess, daughter of the Dagda. She is the female sage, woman of wisdom, or Brighid the Goddess whom poets venerated because very great and famous for her protecting care. She was therefore called 'Goddess of the Poets'. Her sisters were Brighid the female physician, and Brighid the female smith; among all Irishmen, a goddess was called 'Brighid'. Brighid is from breo-aigit or 'fiery arrow'. (http://www.shee-eire.com/Magic&Mythology/Gods&Goddess/Celtic/Goddess/Brigit/Factsheet1.htm)

Brigid, in my opinion, is an amazing Goddess and I feel very drawn to her because of the “fires” she represents. There is so much information out there about her, though, that narrowing it down for this paper was difficult and I plan to spend more time studying her in the future.

Imbolc plans?

I will make bread today and leave some out. Also some ribbon to be blessed by Brigid. I plan to do a creativity ritual today or tomorrow as well as an Imbolc one.

What are your plans?